i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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