I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
