I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
