guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it's like iHOP with fire
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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