Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
