Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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