i'm lost and i look like a hooker
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
