Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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