i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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