So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
