Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
