saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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