His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
