Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
