They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
