I need help removing her.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im six kinds of drunk right now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
