Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
