it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
