There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
