i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
