Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
