It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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