I CAN MOONWALK!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
