Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
