Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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