So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girls should come with a carfax report
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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