Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
