my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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