I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize