I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
