And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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