just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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