The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
