I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
