Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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