How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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