Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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