i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
