Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
