i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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