I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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