I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize