im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
