I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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