she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
