how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
