You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
