Apparently you make a good broom.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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