i barfeds in our rink
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
did i just pee glitter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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