Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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