I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
