..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
