i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
