so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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