I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
