Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
