Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
