Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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