This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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