3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
