Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
