This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
