the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
