i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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