hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
