I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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