Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i drank out of a bidet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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