I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
