Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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