It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
