Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
